trip on the road southward
31 July 2011 § Leave a comment
south is the only direction I know anymore. this is where I belong next, though I have no bearing on where I belong now. Fishing’s finished, Alaska’s done with me and though I miss her, she’ll be there for the next million and a half years and probably more, so I’ll have my chance to return if my longing overwhelms.
either way: I left spontaneously, as is my way. the psychology behind that one is simple, but travels deep. I neglected most goodbyes, but this needed to happen. That whole miserable winter disappeared sometime dutring the summer, and I couldn’t stop the post-solstice from consuming me. Walking out to the highway to stick my thumb out was too whimsical… and if I faltered, thought it too long a wait? It doesn’t matter. Here’s some nonsense: I’m on braindrugs and avoiding my notebook like the plague, afraid of what I might write in it. the gaping chasms where from my wisdom teeth once irritated me now throb with the beat of my heart and the stitchstrings make me feel sewn together like a ragdoll. I likely was as some point.
Humbled by the scenery, conversation, and vulnerable stepping stones, I’ve been on a crashcourse with mental recession and dismantling walls I’ve been building brick by brick for far too long.
The lack of detail is at once intoxicating, but there’s no reprieve. It’ll get annoying, because I’m not ready to give any more right now. Let’s just say the end of this leg gets closer and less wanted by the moment.
We made it halfway to Skagway after deciding to not go. oops. what a gorgeous view. picturesque lakes and lush forests, climbable rock, and the great vast yukon, musicless so far. no more for now. there’s too much to decipher. the documentation is incredible, right? like a dying fox’s final wish: roadside sadness in twilight. please don’t go. but do what you must.