women, and the things they do.

8 February 2012 § Leave a comment

I’m kind of self-conscious (minus the kind of. Always subtract the ‘kind of,’ especially when you’re talking to a woman). Like when I go back and read something I wrote when I was drunk, and think that someone might take it personally. Please don’t; my cheekiness and cynicism are my ways of being affectionate and friendly, because I never learned how to interact very well. That’s why most of the time, I just watch others.

But I’m making progress. Being in an apartment full of women – other volunteers, friends of the owner, my in-quote “girlfriend” (for lack of a better, shorter explanation) helps tremendously. It’s enjoyable in all the ways being a straight guy should be. The things one can learn when sharing one bathroom and half a kitchen with five females – it’s amazing.

My once-best-friend (who is dead now, which is better than us having had a falling out and just being stubborn about talking anymore – but it also means I can talk about his quirks with less consideration for his feelings) used to have this thing about refusing to accept that women shit. It’s not that he completely denied that it happened,  I mean, he made it to high school health class, at least, and we learned something of basic physiology in that time – mostly with the tastefully-chosen porn magazines we had somewhat-tragic access to – so it couldn’t have been the reality he was adverse to. Perhaps in his mind women’s bathrooms also had urinals, like the portal-looking drains hanging from the walls in the mens’, and that females used restrooms mostly to socialize, and do their makeup. And of course, to talk about us.

The last one is an interesting thought, because it’s not like the guys used the mens’ to talk about them. In fact, men’s restrooms are 99% silent but for the occasional cough or fart, and you’re always to look directly forward at the wall when standing at a urinal, lest you attract any unwanted attention from the person shaking off the excess next to you. (Perhaps we should have been talking about women, because then we wouldn’t be so embarrassingly inept when talking to them.)

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